Many new faces at Taxqueña Arena

written by Jakeventus Captain Jake Wardell

5 new players from Brazil, France, US and Mexico joined yesterday’s Sunday Soccer games at Taxqueña Soccer Arena. Due to their advanced skills, all players integrated themselves quickly into the international group.

With star players like Kim, Manni, Pablo, Wen, Hazael, Banano all out due to commitments to drinking and partying elsewhere, it was down to the new recruits to overcome the titans in red and black.

Match 1: Jakeventus wins with a 2-0-4 Formation

In the early exchanges, the Jakeventus defence was hustled by some lad dubbed “The Mexican Messi”. His quick feet, electric pace and rapid movements had the home side in all sorts of trouble and it wasn’t long before the mountains of pressure turned into a 1-0 lead. Of course, that lead wasn’t to last long. When you have an abundance of French talent in your side, it’s only a matter of time before these players, recently inspired by the success of their nation in Russia, will hurt the opposition. Some beautiful link up play in the middle of the park eventually got the ball into the danger zone and the 75,434 French player to come out of Condesa (aka Theo) was there to slam home. 1-1.

As the game went on, both sides looked dangerous going forward. The Jakeventus defence started to nullify the exploits of “The Mexican Messi” (and his friend who chooses jeans as optimal leg wear) however a clearance from a corner dropped perfectly for their huge centre-back and he rifled home from the edge of the area. 2-1. With Jakeventus losing, changes had to be made. Hector and Alberto stayed back and Jake, Pablo, Theo & Come started to bounce forward in what can only be described as a 2-0-4 formation. The fluid attacking movements and sheer number of bodies getting forward overwhelmed the opposition defence and this freed up Come to round off an impressive debut at The Taxquena Arena with a well taken goal. 2-2 and not much time left on the clock to find a winner.

However, deep into “Fergie Time”, superior fitness and constant pressure finally payed off as the Jakeventus attack found enough gas in the tank to surge forward one last time. Jake to Pablo, Pablo to Theo, Theo into the net. 3-2 and a win for the home side with what was essentially the final kick off the game. This astonishing comeback was unquestionably one of the sides most famous results given nobody really knew who any of their teammates were.

Match 2: Newcomer Pablo, Danilo and Theo make the Difference

Jake & Cesar were trusted to select two evenly matched teams for the grand finale. Unfortunately, trusting with Jake with any responsibility after preparing for today’s game by “accidentally” drinking a bottle of rum instead of Gatorade the night before ensured it didn’t really end up that way.

Cesar’s sharper thinking and shrewd business in the transfer market made them heavy favorites with the bookmakers to run riot over their badly assembled opposition and that’s exactly what happened. Prioritizing stability at the back, Cesar selected the 75,434th player called “Pablo” to protect the goal from the clear and obvious goal threat the opponents would offer. He then took a gamble on Brazilian Danilo and French youth prospect Theo. A gamble that eventually proved to be the best Brazilian-French combo since PSG dropped 400m euros on Neymar and Mbappe.

Jake’s answer to these headaches was to select Hector (AKA “The Mountain” from Game of Thrones”) and Alberto (Mexico’s Dani Alves) but his poor judgement in other areas showed everyone why Manni Mourinho is trusted with team selection. 5 goals were hammered past Jake’s side by Theo (2), Marcos (1), Arturo (1) and new American Danny rounded off with goal of the day by taking on a defender and slotting past the keeper. Unfortunately, it was his own defender, and his own keeper, but still, impressive footwork and clinical finishing shows he absolutely has what it takes to play it this level. In reply, Jake’s side could only manage the one goal. Come got himself on the scoresheet to firmly establish France as a footballing powerhouse in Mexico.

Game Stats

LINEUPS

Team Cesar: Théo (Francia), Pablo-Portero (México), Danilo (Brasil), César, Marcos, Arturo (all MX)

Team Jake: Côme (Francia), Daniel (USA), Jake (ENG), Elías, Alberto (both MX), Héctor (SV)

1st Game: Jakeventus vs Team Black/Red 3:2

Gols: Théo (2), Côme (1)

2nd Game: Team Cesar vs Team Jake 5:1

Gols: Théo (2), Marcos (1), Arturo (1), Autogol (1) – Côme (1)

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Special thanks to our star photographer Fabi for the magical illustrations of the game and to Hector organising the games and once again showing himself unselfish providing the water for everyone!